TODAY IS OUR RE APPOINTMENT - I AM SITTING AT WORK RIGHT NOW. DAWN IS GONNA MEET ME LATER AND WE ARE GOING TOGETHER. LET ME JUST SAY THAT I HAVE BEEN WALKING AROUND LIKE AN INSANE PERSON FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS AND THE A-HOLES AT WORK HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD ON MY LAST NERVE. IF THEY HAD ANY COMMON SENSE THEY WOULD JUST STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY TODAY - I AM A WOMAN ON A TOTAL INSANITY TRIP AT THIS MOMENT. GONNA KEEP IT SHORT SO I CAN JUST GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. WISH US LUCK - I WILL UPDATE TOMORROW... IF I HAVEN'T BEEN COMMITTED ;)

A RANDOM RANT FROM AN ANGRY MOM

I AM AN ANGRY MOTHER. WHY DOES LIFE TAKE A WONDERFUL KID LIKE DAVID AND GIVE HIM SOME FUCKED UP BULLSHIT DISORDER LIKE TOURETTES?!? I KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT ARE GONNA SAY (BECAUSE THEY HAVE ACTUALLY SAID THIS TO ME) "IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE" "AT LEAST IT WON'T KILL HIM" "IS THAT EVEN A REAL DISORDER?" "YOU ARE LUCKY, THINK OF THE PARENTS WHOSE KIDS HAVE CANCER" REALLY?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!!! LISTEN I AM AS SORRY AS THE NEXT PERSON WHEN SOMEONE ELSE'S KID IS SICK, AND I CRY WHEN I HEAR OF LITTLE KIDS WITH CANCER AND SO ON AND SO FORTH - BUT WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK THAT SOMEHOW I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT IT ISN'T WORSE? MY SON IS MY SON AND I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIM AND UNTIL YOU HAVE SEEN THE SHIT HE GOES THROUGH WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO JUDGE ME AND TO BELITTLE WHAT HE GOES THROUGH?!?! THERE IS NO CURE, NO TREATMENT, NO PATTERN, NO FUCKING HELPFUL INFORMATION ABOUT TOURETTES. HE HAS AND HE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE IT FOR LIFE, HE MAY OR MAY NOT GET BETTER OR WORSE, HE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE HIS LIFE WITHOUT MEDICATION FOR IT HE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION NORMALLY... OH BY THE WAY WHAT THEY ARE SURE OF IS THAT HE WILL HAVE ONE OR MORE COMORBID DISORDERS ALTHOUGH THEY DO NOT KNOW WHICH ONES OR WHEN. SO EVERY DAY THAT PASSES WITHOUT INCIDENT I THANK GOD AND I BEG AND MAKE DEALS FOR A FUCKING MIRACLE CURE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? MONTHS WIL PASS AND NOTHING... HE WILL BE FINE... SAME BRILLIANT, SWEET, LOVING, FUNNY, AFFECTIONATE, ATHLETIC GIFT FROM GOD THAT HE IS.

THEN IN A BLINK OF A FUCKING EYE IT IS GONE AND THIS BASTARD DISORDER TAKES HOLD AND FIGHTS NOT TO LET GO. AT BEST IT GIVES HIM ONE FORM OR ANOTHER OF TICS... EYE BLINKING, MOUTH TWISTING, THROAT CLEARING ETC... AT WORST IT TAKES MY 5'7 132LB 12 YR OLD BABY AND TURNS HIM INTO A VIOLENT, ANGRY, UNCONTROLLABLE MAN. HE YELLS AND HITS AND HURTS HIMSELF. WE HAVE TO HOLD HIM DOWN UNTIL THESE EPISODES PASS AND THANFULLY THEY ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN (3 TIMES IN 3 YEARS) BUT THEY ARE SCARY. WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE THE MONSTER THAT IS TOURETTES LEAVES MY BABY BROKEN, SAD, DRAINED AND USUALLY BLEEDING IN A HEAP. SO WE DO WHAT WE CAN TO GET HIM BACK TOGETHER AND TRY TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE IT HAS LEFT BEHIND. THEN WHEN I AM ALONE, I CRY AND CURSE AT GOD AND ASK HIM WHY? WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE DO THAT TO MY BABY? WHY WOULD HE GIVE HIM SO MUCH TO DEAL WITH? WHY WOULDN'T HE PROTECT HIM AND KEEP HIM SAFE? THEN I THINK IT ISN'T GOD THAT DID IT TO HIM... IT IS ME...MAYBE... IT IS GENETIC - APPARENTLY IT IS SOMETHING THAT EITHER MY EX OR I PASSED TO HIM. BUT OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER - JUST WORSE. I MEAN THERE IS NOTHING THAT WOULD EVER MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT THIS OTHER THEN FINDING A CURE OR LETTING ME TAKE IT BACK. I KNOW THIS IS AN ANGRY UGLY POST AND I KNOW NOT MANY PEOPLE READ THIS BUT I NEEDED TO EMOTIONALLY PURGE.

KEEP HIM IN YOUR THOUGHTS THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG AND BUMPY RIDE.

MICHELLE & DAWN

THE BITCH IS BACK...NOW WHEN DOES SHE LEAVE?

FINALLY... THAT LONG LOST RELATIVE, AUNT FLO SHOWED - AFTER 37 DAYS TODAY IS CD1. I WAS REALLY SICK FOR THE LAST MONTH AND THE LAST TIME I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THEY RAN A SHITLOAD OF BLOOD TESTS - IT DID SHOW I WAS PRETTY ANEMIC SO MAYBE THAT IS WHAT CAUSED THE DELAY? WE'LL SEE...

isn't it ironic?

WTF?!?!? I AM ALWAYS "MS. REGULAR" - "MS. EVERY 28 DAYS ON THE DOT" - YOU CAN TOTALLY SET A CLOCK TO MY CYCLE... SO OF COURSE THIS MONTH WHEN I HAVE MY APPOINTMENT WITH THE RE I AM OFFICIALLY ON DAY 33?!?!? NOT A CRAMP, NOT A SPOT, NOT A TWINGE IN A BOOB... NOTHING!!! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT SHIT? ANYWAY, I GUESS WE'LL SEE HOW LONG THAT BIOTCH AF DELAYS HER VISIT JUST TO SCREW WITH ME.

FIRST RE APPOINTMENT

OK, SO AFTER GIVING IT SOME THOUGHT, DAWN AND I DECIDED THAT I SHOULD GO VISIT WITH AN RE FOR A CONSULT. I HAVE NOTICED THAT ALOT OF YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO DO THE SAME SO I AM FOLLOWING SUIT. MY FIRST APPOINTMENT IS ON 9/17 AT Center for Women’s Reproductive Care OF COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY. I AM VERY EXCITED BUT VERY SCARED TOO. I KNOW I HAVE DAVID AND FOR THE MOST PART I HAD A REALLY GOOD PREGNANCY/DELIVERY WITH HIM BUT I DID HAVE SOME "ISSUES" BEFORE AND AFTER HIM... SO EVEN IF WE DECIDE TO TRY AT HOME ICIs ONLY, AT LEAST I CAN PUT MY MIND AT EASE THAT THOSE ISSUES HAVE NOT LEFT ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE IF I GET THE ALL CLEAR FROM AN RE. THAT BEING SAID - WE HAVE RECENTLY BEGUN DISCUSSING FOREGOING AT HOME TRIES AND JUST DOING IN OFFICE IUIs - RIGHT NOW IT LOOKS LIKE WE MAY TRY AT HOME ONCE AND THEN IF NEED BE IN OFFICE IUIs.

THE CWRC SEEMS TO BE VERY GLBT FRIENDLY & EXPERIENCED (we'll see how much so after my consult), THEY TAKE MY INSURANCE (my insurance does cover IUI, meds, diagnostic testing etc...), THEY GAVE ME AN ALMOST IMMEDIATE APPOINTMENT (which is impossible to get form a specialist), THEY ANSWERED MY E-MAIL INQUIRY WITHIN 24HRS (it was an anonymous question about their experiences with families like ours)AND SENT ME A WELCOME/INFO PACKET WHICH I RECEIVED WITHIN 2 DAYS OF CALLING THEM (alot of paperwork that I am not certain I filledout right). I AM FEELING VERY POSITIVE ABOUT MY VISIT WITH THEM. ON THE DOWN SIDE NEW PATIENT CONSULTS ARE ONLY DURING THE DAY AND DAWN WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT - SO I WILL BE FLYING SOLO ON THIS - BUT EVERY APPT AFTER CAN BE MADE FOR LATER IN THE DAY WHEN SHE CAN MAKE IT SO... GLASS HALF FULL.

****UPDATE - I RESCHEDULED MY APPOINTMENT FOR 9/30 WHEN DAWN IS OFF FROM WORK AND CAN COME WITH ME -THIS MAKES ME VERRRRY HAPPY AND LESS SCARED.

A new nephew for Dawn and I

Meet our new nephew Kyle Joseph, he was born on 8/30/08 at 3:32 pm and weighed a whopping 8.7 and was 21 inch long. He is a big boy and he is ADORABLE.

So now Dawn's parents have 4 grandsons. We have alot of pix but this one has all of them looking cute so here are... David (almost 13) Ethan (15 mths) Ryan (almost 12) and Kyle (2 hrs old)