Monday, February 4, 2008

Forget baby steps, we're at a sloooooooow crawl

So just a quick "hello" and update for everyone. While we continue to oooh and ahhh over every single cute baby or baby thing we see, we are still firm on our decision to put things off for awhile. Not forever, just awhile. We just moved it by a year, from this upcoming Summer to next. I think we just need this time to iron out a few details and get our heads together. Like I have always said, we, like our boys, are complete polar opposites. So, we are gonna use this time to remember and bask in all of the things we have in common and work on compromises regarding all baby/child related things that we are on opposite sides of the fence on. Ok, maybe not all, but as many as we can, so that when others come up we can have the tools we need to work through them together.

On March 14 we will be celebrating 9 years together and there is no one I would rather have spent those years with then my beautiful wife and our beautiful and amazing boys. It seems like watching all of you go through your ttc experiences has only brought us closer to the beginning of our journey. That sounds strange I know, escpecilly since we are delayed, but it does makes sense. I think that when we finally were both on the same page about wanting a baby together, we just jumped really quickly. We talked about having a baby but we never really talk talked about our feelings or fears about having a baby together, as two women, raising two boys together but seperately. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses and our very strong but mostly different opinions about our parenting styles. What I mean to say is while we are raising them together, because they were already 2 and 3 and each of us already had one marriage behind us when we got together we already were quite set in our ways and for the most part have continued to be so. It is only now that they are 11 and 12 and we are planning another that we are really aware of this. While I think for the most part we are gonna remain slightly "united but divided" on the boys, I am optomistic we will be able to raise a new baby as a united front if we use this time wisely.

I know a lot of people have said to just do it and things will work themselves out... I just think that we have to work things out and then do it. For all our sakes. Following your stories, your joys, your sorrows, your most intimate of thoughts and fears has made it easier for us to face ours and to so so together. Knowing we are not alone, seeing a bit of each of you in ourselves, has given us the strength to come together and talk, yell or cry it out until it was all out on the table with nothing left to do but deal with it.
So I thank you all and wish you all love and happiness and lots of dreams come true. In the meantime, we will continue to try and be patient... with both of us holding on a little too long when we are with our nephews, misting up at the sight of our pregnant family members, fighting (almost) every urge to buy baby things and counting the days till we both feel ready (or at least as ready as we'll ever be).