Tuesday, October 11, 2011

AND THEN THERE WAS ONE









AFTER ALL WAS SAID AND DONE...WE ENDED UP WITH ONE 6DAY BLAST SAFELY FROZEN AND WAITING FOR US. I WAS FEELING CRUSHED ABOUT ONLY GETTING ONE BUT ONE IS ALL IT TAKES SO I AM EMBRACING THE IDEA OF BEING HOPEFUL FOR OUR FET. I HAVE TO GO BACK NEXT MONDAY THE 17TH TO SEE HOW WELL MY LINING IS BUILDING UP ON ITS OWN AND THEN WE WILL GO FROM THERE. HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL BE IT AND WE WILL BE HEARING SOME POSITIVE NEWS. CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC IS HOW I AM GOING TO LABEL MYSELF RIGHT NOW... I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY WIFE WHO DESPITE HER OWN FEARS AND WORRIES HAS HELPED ME BE STRONG AND STEADFAST IN THIS JOURNEY. SHE HAS HELP ME UP ALOT LATELY. I AM NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO LIKES TO ADMIT WHEN I NEED HELP BUT HOLY SHIT HAVE I NEEDED IT LATELY. OUR KIDS STILL DON'T KNOW THAT WE ARE TRYING, AND LET ME TELL YOU HOW GLAD I AM THAT THEY HAVEN'T HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS UP AND DOWN BULLSHIT WITH US, SO I HAVE LITERALLY HAD TO GO FROM CRYING HYSTERICALLY TO ACTING LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG. WE ACTUALLY GOT THE CALL ABOUT OUR EMBRYOS WHILE AT THE FOOTBALL GAME OF OUR OLDEST. SECRETLY JABBING NEEDLES IN YOUR STOMACH WHILE IN THE MIDST OF TEENAGE ANGST HAS BEEN AN ADVENTURE TO SAY THE LEAST. SHE HAS JUST BEEN MY ROCK. SHE HAS PUSHED ME WHEN I WAS READY TO GIVE UP AND COMFORTED ME WHEN I FELT LIKE I WAS FAILING US. SHE HAS BEEN A GREAT MOM TO THE BOYS WE HAVE AND I KNOW SHE WILL BE JUST AS PHENOMENAL IF NOT MORE SO THIS TIME AROUND. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU GET TO MAKE ALL THE MISTAKES THE FIRST TIME AROUND (INSIDE JOKE). SO THAT'S WHERE WE ARE AND THAT'S WHERE WE ARE GOING. HOPEFULLY, WE WILL SEE YOU ALL THERE.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT 1...2...3



SO...WE ARE WAITING A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. WE HAD A RETRIEVAL THIS PAST MONDAY. WE GOT 8, 3 WERE GOOD, 3 WERE DISCARDED AND 2 ARE PENDING. UNFORTUNATELY, MY HORMONES WERE TOO HIGH TO DO A FRESH TRANSFER THIS CYCLE SO WE ARE HOPING THEY ALL MAKE IT TO FREEZE ON THE 10TH. WE WERE GIVEN THE OPTION TO DO ANOTHER CYCLE OF RETRIEVAL IN THE MEANTIME BUT WE PASSED. MY MIND AND BODY NEED A REST. SO WE ARE HOPING TO KEEP HEARING GOOD NEWS EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS TILL OUR SNO*WBAB*IES ARE TUCKED SAFELY AWAY AND THEN WAITING IT OUT UNTIL END OF THE MONTH TO DO AN FET. HOPEFULLY, WE WILL GET TO HAVE ONE OF OUR LIL SNOWB*ABIES PUT IN ITS RIGHTFUL HOME UNTIL WE MEET IN PERSON SOMETIME THIS SUMMER. I SHOULD WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO FILE THIS ONE AS A SUCCESS BUT THIS FEELING OF DISAPPOINTMENT I AM CARRYING AROUND WITH ME ONLY LETS ME THINK OF IT AS A STEP FORWARD WITH A LONG PAUSE BEFORE ANOTHER STEP...IT SURE DOES SEEM LIKE THIS JOURNEY IS GOING TO TAKE FOREVER EVEN THOUGH IN MY HEART I KNOW AT SOME POINT EVERY JOURNEY MUST END.