Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A NON TTC POST


IT WAS OUR BOYS' CONFIRMATION THIS PAST SATURDAY. I JUST WANT TO SAY HOW PROUD OF THEM WE ARE AND HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM. RYAN (ON THE LEFT) AND DAVID (ON THE RIGHT) ARE THE MOST AMAZING CHILDREN EVER. I KNOW WE ALL SAY THAT ABOUT OUR KIDS BUT I REALLY PRIDE MYSELF ON THE FACT THAT WHEN THEY ARE BEING ASSES I CALL THEM ON IT. THESE KIDS ARE REALLY GOOD KIDS. I LOVE THEM BOTH DEARLY AND MOST OF THE TIME WE WOULDN'T TRADE THEM IN FOR ANYTHING...LOL. SERIOUSLY, THEY ARE THE REASON THAT EVEN THOUGH WE WANT ANOTHER BABY, OUR FAMILY IS ALREADY FILLED WITH AN ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS AND WE ARE COMPLETE. (however, don't get me wrong, we really, really, really want to add a baby to the mix and ok, I am sorry, but you know I had to sneak something about TTC in there, it IS a TTC blog)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A RAY OF HOPE





I HAD THE HSG THE OTHER DAY AND LEFT ME FIRST SAY THIS... HOLY FUCKING CRAP THAT SHIT HURT LIKE HELL!!!!! OK, NOW THAT HAVING BEEN SAID. THE DOCTOR WHO DID IT SAID ALL LOOKED GOOD. THAT IS THE FIRST STRAIGHT UP GOOD THING I HAVE HEARD SO FAR. THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE THUS FAR HAS BEEN ONE SHITTY THING AFTER THE OTHER BUT NOW THERE IS HOPE. IS IT BEYOND STUPID OF ME TO HOLD ONTO A GOOD LOOKING UTERUS AND A FINE PAIR OF FALLOPIAN TUBES AS OMENS OF GOOD THINGS TO COME CONSIDERING THE LOW EGG THING? WELL, SCREW IT, I WILL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET LATELY.


OF COURSE THE FINAL STEPS TO THIS EPIPHANY WERE ROUGH ONES. AS I BELIEVE I SAID EARLIER THERE WAS A HUGE LAPSE OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THE RE'S OFFICE, THE HSG OFFICE AND MY INSURANCE. DAWN AND I LEFT OUR HOUSE EARLY ENOUGH TO ENSURE A VISIT TO THE RE'S OFFICE BEFORE MY APPOINTMENT ON THE 9TH FLOOR. WE GET THERE AND THE BILLING LADY TELLS ME WITHOUT FLINCHING THAT I DO NOT NEED A REFERRAL AT ALL BECAUSE I REGISTERED WITH MY INSURANCE'S INFERTILITY HOTLINE. I EXPLAIN TO HER AGAIN, ALMOST IN TEARS FROM FRUSTRATION AND ANGER THAT I WOULD REALLY LIKE FOR HER TO DOUBLE CHECK AND TALK TO THEM UPSTAIRS BECAUSE THE GIRL WAS REAL NASTY TO ME AND MY INSURANCE GAVE ME COMPLETELY DIFFERENT INFORMATION. SO DAWN AND I GO SIT AND WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE A FREAKING ETERNITY. WE SEE HER COME OUT AND THE LOOK ON HER FACE WAS LIKE A BULLET THROUGH THE HEART TO ME. HOWEVER, THE LOOK WAS THANKS TO THE STUPID BITCH ON THE 9TH FLOOR. APPARENTLY THE BILLING LADY WAS ABLE TO CONFIRM THROUGH THE INFERTILITY LINE THAT SHE WAS RIGHT, I DID NOT NEED A REFERRAL AT ALL, SHE THEN CALLED THE BIOTCH UPSTAIRS TO EXPLAIN AND HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE I DID. IT WAS SO BAD SHE HUNG UP ON THE 9TH FLOOR BITCH. THEN SHE TELLS ME THAT WHILE SHE WAS TRYING TO VERIFY WITH MY REGULAR INSURANCE SHE WAS TOLD THAT AS OF 1/09 I AM NO LONGER COVERED FOR IUIs - ONLY BASIC TESTING. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVE IT OR NOT I CHOKED BACK THE HORROR OF THAT STATEMENT AND DECIDED TO KEEP ON DOING WHAT I COULD DO WHICH WAS TAKE MY ASS UPSTAIRS TO MY HSG APPT AND WORRY ABOUT THE INSURANCE THING LATER.

THE BITCH UPSTAIRS HAD MAJOR ATTITUDE AND WAS KIND ENOUGH TO TELL ME AGAIN THAT MY INSURANCE SAID I NEED A REFERRAL AND IF I HAD TO PAY BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T COVER IT - IT WASN'T HER FAULT BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME. WE WAITED AWHILE AND IT SUCKED. I WAS REALLY SCARED AND JUST WANTED TO TURN TAIL AND RUN. AFTER WELL PAST MY APPOINTMENT TIME THEY CAME TO GET ME. A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD BEEN STANDING WITH THE BITCH WHEN I CAME IN CAME TO GET ME AND TOOK ME TO THE CHANGING ROOM. NOW... I AM A BIG GIRL AND OF COURSE THOSE STUPID GOWNS DON'T EVEN CLOSE ON ME AND RIDE UP TO BOOT SO SHE COME S TO GET ME AND I AM TRYING MY BEST TO COVER MY GOODS WHEN I ASK HER IF I CAN HAVE ANOTHER GOWN TO COVER MYSELF WHILE I WALK TO THE ROOM, SHE LOOKS ME UP AND DOWN AND SAYS, "OH, WE ARE GONNA SEE IT ANYWAY" AND BEFORE I CAN EVEN BLINK SHE HAS SHUFFLED ME OFF TO THE ROOM. I GOT UP ON THE TABLE, ASSUMED THE POSITION AND HELD MY BREATHE. THE TEST WAS PAINFUL AND I FELT A LITTLE HUMILIATED AND I CRIED, CORRECTION, SOBBED SILENTLY. BUT THROUGH THE TEARS I HEARD THE WORDS THAT MADE IT ALL WORTHWHILE... "EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD."

IT TOOK ME A COUPLE OF DAYS TO FEEL BETTER. ALOT OF CRAMPING AND BLEEDING AND BLOATING. BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD IN THE END. TO TOP IT OFF I CALLED MY INSURANCE MONDAY MORNING AND WAS TOLD THAT I AM INDEED STILL COVERED FOR UNLIMITED IUIs - SO LET'S KEEP THE GOOD NEWS COMING... I GOTTA SCHEDULE MY 2ND CHEST CT FOR NEXT MONTH.

IN THE MEANTIME, DAWN AND I ARE FOCUSING ON GETTING OUR BOYS READY FOR THEIR CONFIRMATION THIS MONTH SO WE ARE KEEPING VERY BUSY... THANK GOD!!



Thursday, April 9, 2009

WANTED


FOUR LEAF CLOVERS, KNOCK ON WOOD, SALT OVER SHOULDER ETC... I NEED ALL OF IT. TOMORROW IS THE HSG - I HOPE. I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT IT SO I NEED ALL THE LUCK AND GOOD VIBES I CAN GET. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT FOR ONCE IN THE LAST I-DON'T-EVEN-KNOW-HOW-LONG I GO TO THE DOCTOR AND DON'T COME OUT FEELING LIKE MY HEART IS TORN IN PIECES?!?!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

changing my name to Murphy


I SWEAR IT SEEMS LIKE WHENEVER EVERYTHING IS GOING ALONG NICELY SOMETHING FUCKS IT ALL UP. I MADE MY APPOINTMENT FOR THE HSG FOR THIS FRIDAY. IT SEEMED EASY ENOUGH TO DO. I WAS TOLD TO CALL THE 2ND DAY OF WHATEVER CYCLE AND THAT THE APPOINTMENT WOULD BE MADE FOR BETWEEN THE 5TH AND 10TH DAY OF MY CYCLE. THIS WORKED OUT GREAT. DAWN IS OFF FROM WORK SO SHE CAN GO WITH ME AND IT IS A FRIDAY WHICH GIVES ME THE WHOLE WEEKEND TO RELAX AFTER. I WAS TOLD IN THE BEGINNING THAT SINCE THEY HAD ME REGISTER WITH THE INFERTILITY PART OF MY INSURANCE I WOULD JUST BE ABLE TO HAVE TREATMENT WITHOUT HAVING TO GO THROUGH MY PRIMARY. MADE MY APPOINTMENT AND THEY TOLD ME I NEED A SLIP OF PAPER FROM THE RE, I HAD THAT ALREADY BECAUSE SHE GAVE IT TO ME AFTER THE FIRST APPOINTMENT FOR WHENEVER I WAS READY TO GO FOR THE HSG - HOWEVER, IT WAS NOT SIGNED, NO PROBLEM, THEY ARE IN THE SAME BUILDING, I CAN GET IT SIGNED BEFORE I GO FOR THE TEST... AND THE NEXT DAY THE RECEPTIONIST CALLS ME BACK TO TELL ME I NEED A REFERRAL FROM MY PRIMARY, I CALL THE RE'S BILLING OFFICE SINCE THEY HANDLED EVERYTHING SO FAR AND THEY TELL ME NO, I NEED NO REFERRALS BECAUSE I AM REGISTERED IN THE INFERTILITY PROGRAM. I CALL THE RECEPTIOINST BACK AND NOW SHE IS A NASTY DOUCHE AND TALKS TO ME LIKE I AM A FUCKING IDIOT. SHE IS UNMOVED AND TELLS ME I NEED THE REFERRAL, SHE SPOKE TO MY INSURANCE, IF I DON'T HAVE IT AND I NEED IT, THEY WILL NOT SEE ME, I EXPLAIN THAT I AM REGISTERED IN FOR INFERTILITY TREATMENT, SHE SAYS ALL SHE ASKED ABOUT WAS THE TEST, THAT IS HER JOB, IF I HAVE QUESTIONS CALL THE INSURANCE. I CALL MY INSURANCE, THEY TELL ME I NEED A REFERRAL FROM MY PRIMARY, I TELL THEM I AM REGISTERED FOR INFERTILITY TREATMENT, THEY PUT ME ON HOLD AND TELL ME I STILL NEED A REFERRAL BUT FROM THE RE NOT MY PRIMARY, I AM IN TEARS WHEN I HANG UP. I CALL THE RE OFFICE BACK AND SPEAK TO THE RECEPTIOINST, SHE TELLS ME ALL I NEED IS THE ORIGINAL SLIP THAT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME, COME IN BEFORE THE TEST AND THEY WILL SIGN IT. I FEEL LIKE I ENDED WHERE I STARTED. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN WHEN I GET THERE BUT I AM STILL GONNA GO AND WING IT. WHY IS IT EVEN THE EASY THINGS ARE DIFFICULT? I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THE HELL IS GONNA HAPPEN WHEN WE ACTUALLY GET THE GO AHEAD TO QUIT THE PREP WORK AND GET STARTED.