Wednesday, August 1, 2007

How do I love her... how could I not?


Just so everyone is totally clear on this... I absolutely love Dawn. She loves me in a way that I never even thought was possible. If I had to relive every painful moment I have ever gone through in my life (and there have been many really really painful times) all over again to meet her - I would... in a heartbeat. I always liked guys and girls growing up - even though my first experience with a woman was at 17 - But I never wanted to be in a relationship with a woman because in my mind it seemed impossible to have children with a woman - I had my little flings with them but never more then that - when I met Dawn my life changed in an instant. I am not the kind of person to get close to someone right away - I hate crowds and am not a the kind of person who has ever strayed from my little circle of friends - When I was walking down the stairs and she said hello, I looked up and something just clicked. She was cute in her scrubs and bleached- blonde- hair cleaning kiddie furniture but it wasn't that - but it wasn't that - I had to get to know her and went out of my way to become friends with her. We became almost inseparable.
I was going through a divorce and had my "friends" on the side and as far as I knew she was straight as can be with her own "friends" on the side - she knew all of my interests and we talked about everything. When I realized that I was having feelings for her I panicked... I was so afraid that she would figure it out and get freaked out. I thought for sure I would lose having her in my life so I kept telling her how much she was not my type (even tried to hook her up with a few of my male friends). I figured if I said it enough and got her involved with someone she would feel safe and I would be able to keep my head clear of anything romantic with her and we could at least be friends. (of course I had no idea she had a thing for me)

I won't get into details but those few months when I was falling head over heels in love with her and actively trying to push her into other people's arms while pursuing my own dalliances was one of the hardest times in my life - I had never been more fucked up in the head - (to find out later that what we did to each other and ourselves during that time was completely uncalled for and just plain ass backwards) - Anyway, shortly after we got together, I knew I was hooked for life - not even the idea of having to give up having more children was enough to make me want to be without his woman. Although I never gave up hope.

Now that we are on our way to adding to our little family I can not even express how happy I am... but if things don't happen as we want... My life is already complete the way it is. Dawn is my best friend, my biggest supporter, the kick in my ass when I need it (whether I want it or not. lol.) She has stuck by me through it all. Even when it seemed like I was losing hope, she had enough for the two of us. I have always said and firmly believe that my life started when I had my son (at 19) but our life wasn't truly complete until we met the rest of our family in August of 1998. A baby would just make it all that much better.


6 comments:

K J and the kids said...

What a wonderful and very romantic story.
Thanks for sharing it with us.

Keri said...

I bet she'll save this post and read it over and over. And when you make it her mad, print it out and leave it under her pillow. :)

Very sweet.

ajs4ever said...

How sweet! In this crazy world it is so good to hear a great love story! Thanks for sharing it with us:)

Kim said...

I agree. Thanks for sharing. Very nice post.

Holly said...

Amazing story. You two sound perfect for each other.

MB said...

I stumbled over from the R Family Forums. What a great post. I enjoyed reading it!