Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A RANDOM RANT FROM AN ANGRY MOM



I AM AN ANGRY MOTHER. WHY DOES LIFE TAKE A WONDERFUL KID LIKE DAVID AND GIVE HIM SOME FUCKED UP BULLSHIT DISORDER LIKE TOURETTES?!? I KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT ARE GONNA SAY (BECAUSE THEY HAVE ACTUALLY SAID THIS TO ME) "IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE" "AT LEAST IT WON'T KILL HIM" "IS THAT EVEN A REAL DISORDER?" "YOU ARE LUCKY, THINK OF THE PARENTS WHOSE KIDS HAVE CANCER" REALLY?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!!! LISTEN I AM AS SORRY AS THE NEXT PERSON WHEN SOMEONE ELSE'S KID IS SICK, AND I CRY WHEN I HEAR OF LITTLE KIDS WITH CANCER AND SO ON AND SO FORTH - BUT WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK THAT SOMEHOW I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT IT ISN'T WORSE? MY SON IS MY SON AND I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIM AND UNTIL YOU HAVE SEEN THE SHIT HE GOES THROUGH WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO JUDGE ME AND TO BELITTLE WHAT HE GOES THROUGH?!?! THERE IS NO CURE, NO TREATMENT, NO PATTERN, NO FUCKING HELPFUL INFORMATION ABOUT TOURETTES. HE HAS AND HE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE IT FOR LIFE, HE MAY OR MAY NOT GET BETTER OR WORSE, HE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE HIS LIFE WITHOUT MEDICATION FOR IT HE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION NORMALLY... OH BY THE WAY WHAT THEY ARE SURE OF IS THAT HE WILL HAVE ONE OR MORE COMORBID DISORDERS ALTHOUGH THEY DO NOT KNOW WHICH ONES OR WHEN. SO EVERY DAY THAT PASSES WITHOUT INCIDENT I THANK GOD AND I BEG AND MAKE DEALS FOR A FUCKING MIRACLE CURE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? MONTHS WIL PASS AND NOTHING... HE WILL BE FINE... SAME BRILLIANT, SWEET, LOVING, FUNNY, AFFECTIONATE, ATHLETIC GIFT FROM GOD THAT HE IS.

THEN IN A BLINK OF A FUCKING EYE IT IS GONE AND THIS BASTARD DISORDER TAKES HOLD AND FIGHTS NOT TO LET GO. AT BEST IT GIVES HIM ONE FORM OR ANOTHER OF TICS... EYE BLINKING, MOUTH TWISTING, THROAT CLEARING ETC... AT WORST IT TAKES MY 5'7 132LB 12 YR OLD BABY AND TURNS HIM INTO A VIOLENT, ANGRY, UNCONTROLLABLE MAN. HE YELLS AND HITS AND HURTS HIMSELF. WE HAVE TO HOLD HIM DOWN UNTIL THESE EPISODES PASS AND THANFULLY THEY ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN (3 TIMES IN 3 YEARS) BUT THEY ARE SCARY. WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE THE MONSTER THAT IS TOURETTES LEAVES MY BABY BROKEN, SAD, DRAINED AND USUALLY BLEEDING IN A HEAP. SO WE DO WHAT WE CAN TO GET HIM BACK TOGETHER AND TRY TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE IT HAS LEFT BEHIND. THEN WHEN I AM ALONE, I CRY AND CURSE AT GOD AND ASK HIM WHY? WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE DO THAT TO MY BABY? WHY WOULD HE GIVE HIM SO MUCH TO DEAL WITH? WHY WOULDN'T HE PROTECT HIM AND KEEP HIM SAFE? THEN I THINK IT ISN'T GOD THAT DID IT TO HIM... IT IS ME...MAYBE... IT IS GENETIC - APPARENTLY IT IS SOMETHING THAT EITHER MY EX OR I PASSED TO HIM. BUT OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER - JUST WORSE. I MEAN THERE IS NOTHING THAT WOULD EVER MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT THIS OTHER THEN FINDING A CURE OR LETTING ME TAKE IT BACK. I KNOW THIS IS AN ANGRY UGLY POST AND I KNOW NOT MANY PEOPLE READ THIS BUT I NEEDED TO EMOTIONALLY PURGE.

KEEP HIM IN YOUR THOUGHTS THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG AND BUMPY RIDE.

MICHELLE & DAWN

3 comments:

Tina said...

Here from ICLW...

I can't even imagine what you are going through and how irritating it must be to have your life and situation discounted because "it could always be worse." Sure, it could always be worse, but how is that saying helpful in the here and now?

Kim said...

Thinking of you all.

Love you!

A Day In The Life said...

My heart goes out to you....