A RAY OF HOPE

I HAD THE HSG THE OTHER DAY AND LEFT ME FIRST SAY THIS... HOLY FUCKING CRAP THAT SHIT HURT LIKE HELL!!!!! OK, NOW THAT HAVING BEEN SAID. THE DOCTOR WHO DID IT SAID ALL LOOKED GOOD. THAT IS THE FIRST STRAIGHT UP GOOD THING I HAVE HEARD SO FAR. THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE THUS FAR HAS BEEN ONE SHITTY THING AFTER THE OTHER BUT NOW THERE IS HOPE. IS IT BEYOND STUPID OF ME TO HOLD ONTO A GOOD LOOKING UTERUS AND A FINE PAIR OF FALLOPIAN TUBES AS OMENS OF GOOD THINGS TO COME CONSIDERING THE LOW EGG THING? WELL, SCREW IT, I WILL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET LATELY.

OF COURSE THE FINAL STEPS TO THIS EPIPHANY WERE ROUGH ONES. AS I BELIEVE I SAID EARLIER THERE WAS A HUGE LAPSE OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THE RE'S OFFICE, THE HSG OFFICE AND MY INSURANCE. DAWN AND I LEFT OUR HOUSE EARLY ENOUGH TO ENSURE A VISIT TO THE RE'S OFFICE BEFORE MY APPOINTMENT ON THE 9TH FLOOR. WE GET THERE AND THE BILLING LADY TELLS ME WITHOUT FLINCHING THAT I DO NOT NEED A REFERRAL AT ALL BECAUSE I REGISTERED WITH MY INSURANCE'S INFERTILITY HOTLINE. I EXPLAIN TO HER AGAIN, ALMOST IN TEARS FROM FRUSTRATION AND ANGER THAT I WOULD REALLY LIKE FOR HER TO DOUBLE CHECK AND TALK TO THEM UPSTAIRS BECAUSE THE GIRL WAS REAL NASTY TO ME AND MY INSURANCE GAVE ME COMPLETELY DIFFERENT INFORMATION. SO DAWN AND I GO SIT AND WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE A FREAKING ETERNITY. WE SEE HER COME OUT AND THE LOOK ON HER FACE WAS LIKE A BULLET THROUGH THE HEART TO ME. HOWEVER, THE LOOK WAS THANKS TO THE STUPID BITCH ON THE 9TH FLOOR. APPARENTLY THE BILLING LADY WAS ABLE TO CONFIRM THROUGH THE INFERTILITY LINE THAT SHE WAS RIGHT, I DID NOT NEED A REFERRAL AT ALL, SHE THEN CALLED THE BIOTCH UPSTAIRS TO EXPLAIN AND HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE I DID. IT WAS SO BAD SHE HUNG UP ON THE 9TH FLOOR BITCH. THEN SHE TELLS ME THAT WHILE SHE WAS TRYING TO VERIFY WITH MY REGULAR INSURANCE SHE WAS TOLD THAT AS OF 1/09 I AM NO LONGER COVERED FOR IUIs - ONLY BASIC TESTING. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVE IT OR NOT I CHOKED BACK THE HORROR OF THAT STATEMENT AND DECIDED TO KEEP ON DOING WHAT I COULD DO WHICH WAS TAKE MY ASS UPSTAIRS TO MY HSG APPT AND WORRY ABOUT THE INSURANCE THING LATER.

THE BITCH UPSTAIRS HAD MAJOR ATTITUDE AND WAS KIND ENOUGH TO TELL ME AGAIN THAT MY INSURANCE SAID I NEED A REFERRAL AND IF I HAD TO PAY BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T COVER IT - IT WASN'T HER FAULT BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME. WE WAITED AWHILE AND IT SUCKED. I WAS REALLY SCARED AND JUST WANTED TO TURN TAIL AND RUN. AFTER WELL PAST MY APPOINTMENT TIME THEY CAME TO GET ME. A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD BEEN STANDING WITH THE BITCH WHEN I CAME IN CAME TO GET ME AND TOOK ME TO THE CHANGING ROOM. NOW... I AM A BIG GIRL AND OF COURSE THOSE STUPID GOWNS DON'T EVEN CLOSE ON ME AND RIDE UP TO BOOT SO SHE COME S TO GET ME AND I AM TRYING MY BEST TO COVER MY GOODS WHEN I ASK HER IF I CAN HAVE ANOTHER GOWN TO COVER MYSELF WHILE I WALK TO THE ROOM, SHE LOOKS ME UP AND DOWN AND SAYS, "OH, WE ARE GONNA SEE IT ANYWAY" AND BEFORE I CAN EVEN BLINK SHE HAS SHUFFLED ME OFF TO THE ROOM. I GOT UP ON THE TABLE, ASSUMED THE POSITION AND HELD MY BREATHE. THE TEST WAS PAINFUL AND I FELT A LITTLE HUMILIATED AND I CRIED, CORRECTION, SOBBED SILENTLY. BUT THROUGH THE TEARS I HEARD THE WORDS THAT MADE IT ALL WORTHWHILE... "EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD."

IT TOOK ME A COUPLE OF DAYS TO FEEL BETTER. ALOT OF CRAMPING AND BLEEDING AND BLOATING. BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD IN THE END. TO TOP IT OFF I CALLED MY INSURANCE MONDAY MORNING AND WAS TOLD THAT I AM INDEED STILL COVERED FOR UNLIMITED IUIs - SO LET'S KEEP THE GOOD NEWS COMING... I GOTTA SCHEDULE MY 2ND CHEST CT FOR NEXT MONTH.

IN THE MEANTIME, DAWN AND I ARE FOCUSING ON GETTING OUR BOYS READY FOR THEIR CONFIRMATION THIS MONTH SO WE ARE KEEPING VERY BUSY... THANK GOD!!