LOST

THIS HAS TURNED OUT TO BE ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE. IT HAS TOTALLY CONSUMED ME. I MEAN ASIDE FROM MY WIFE AND OUR KIDS OF COURSE. WE ARE STILL HANGING IN THERE BUT HONESTLY HAVEN'T MADE MUCH PROGRESS. RIGHT NOW WE HAVE THE FROZEN 3DAYS AND WE WILL BE DOING ANOTHER RETRIEVAL THIS SUNDAY. IT SEEMS LIKE THEY WILL ONLY GET 1 THIS TIME. I AM CRUSHED. THIS WAS GOING TO BE OUR LAST CYCLE BUT WE JUST CAN'T QUIT RIGHT NOW SO I THINK WE WILL BE DOING ANOTHER 3 CYCLES BEFORE WE DO MORE TRANSFERS. I AM TIRED OF NEEDLES AND PILLS AND ULTRASOUNDS. I AM TIRED OF FEELING LIKE I AM TRAPPED IN A NEVER ENDING CYCLE OF IN AND OUT OF THE DOCTOR. I HAVE BEEN THERE 3 DAYS IN A ROW AND WILL BE BACK THERE AGAIN ANOTHER 2...5 FRIGGIN DAYS IN A ROW!!! I AM EXHAUSTED. WE ARE TRYING SO HARD TO KEEP POSITIVE BUT THERE ARE SOME DAYS...MORE OFTEN THEN NOT...THAT IT JUST IS IMPOSSIBLE. BELIEVE ME I KNOW THAT 5 MONTHS IS NOTHING COMPARED TO HOW LONG SOME PEOPLE GO THROUGH THIS JOURNEY AND I HAVE NOTHING BUT THE UTMOST RESPECT FOR THEM...BUT WE JUST CAN'T DO IT. IT WILL BE ABOUT A YEAR WHEN THIS IS ALL SAID AND DONE. THAT'S ALL I CAN DO AND THAT'S PUSHING IT. I LITERALLY AM TAKING THIS A DAY AT A TIME...TODAY I AM TAKING IT MINUTE BY MINUTE. HOPEFULLY ONE DAY MY BEAUTIFUL, SUPPORTIVE, PATIENT AND SUPER FABULOUS WIFE AND I CAN READ ALL THIS AGAIN WITH OUR BABY IN OUR ARMS. UNTIL THEN I AM JUST GONNA TRY MY BEST TO KEEP STRONG.